I GAME, THEREFORE I AM

Geeks and Gamers of the world UNITE!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Episode 11 or Why 2011 is going to be a great gaming year!

Well folks, with 2010 behind us and so many great games already in our collection, we should be content with what we have.  OH NAY NAY!  2011 is looking to serve up some delicious helpings of pure awesomeness!  Some of these games will be delayed, postponed and maybe, hopefully not, cancelled.  But let's assume that the Gamer God is a loving God and everything will arrive right on time!  This episode has so much Awesome, you may have to take a break.  Let's begin shall we?

JANUARY:

Dead Space 2 - This survival horror looks to build upon the success of the first game.  Can Issac Clarke survive again?

FEBRUARY:

Test Drive Unlimited 2 - Own an island paradise and cruise around with friends from around the world!

LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars - I don't need to talk about this one.  It already rocks!


Bulletstorm - Epic Games & Polish game studio People Can Fly make you kill with skill.  This WTFPS will blow you away!

MARCH

Crysis 2 - This groundbreaking shooter makes its console debut.


Dragon Age II - This epic piece of epicness is gonna be EPIC!!  Oh, and be ready for ManHawke vs. FemHawke!  There will be lots more on this game next episode.

QUARTER ONE

Duke Nukem Forever - HAIL TO THE KING BABY!

Child of Eden - Best looking shooter on Kinect!

APRIL


Portal 2 - Next in the long line of sequels is this puzzle shooter which looks to add some awesome co-op!

QUARTER TWO

LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean - I know what you are thinking, but LEGO Capt. Jack Sparrow looks amazing!

QUARTER THREE

Nothing announced yet, usually the summer is saved as a buffer when winter and spring games get delayed.

NOVEMBER

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - The direct follow-up to Oblivion hopefully improves on the cool controls of Elder Scrolls IV.

QUARTER FOUR


Gears of War 3 - Brothers to the end.  And Beast Mode.  So awesome!

Batman Arkham City - A massive city is in trouble, and we don't know who the main villain is!

Mass Effect 3 - The finalie of the Shepard Trilogy will hopefully not be the last game in this epic universe.


Holy crap thats a lot of games!  And these are just the announced titles!  What is really gonna happen in 2011?  Let's find out together!  HERE WE GO!!

And now here's the wisdom Relevant Wife: "Go big or go home!"\

Next Time: In depth with Dragon Age 2!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Episode 10 or The Irrelevant Gaming Awards

Dear readers, I figured it out... You don't like me, you like Miranda's boobs! I understand. I like her boobs too! If you googled Mass Effect 2 Miranda, you would have seen the glorious picture of Miranda scantily clad.  Google has since changed the source of the photo, so if I'm right, the page views should probably go down...a lot.  Which is why...duh duh da duuuuuuhhhh!!
Yeah Buddy.

On with the show!!

Here are the results of the 1st annual Irrelevant Gaming Awards!(crowd cheers)  No awful musical guests or acceptance speeches...just awards!  Here we go!

Best Add-On/DLC
Runner up: Dragon Age Origins - Witch Hunt
Winner: Mass Effect 2 - Lair of the Shadow Broker

Best Collectors Edition
Winner: Fable 3

Best Multi-Player
Runner up: Call of Duty - Black Ops
Winner: Assassins Creed - Brotherhood

Most Memorable Moment
Runner up: Mass Effect 2 Suicide Mission
Winner: Red Dead Redemption Finale

Best Story
Runner up: Red Dead Redemption
Winner: Alan Wake

Best Rock Band DLC Song
Winner: Eric Cartman - Pokerface

Most Anticipated Game of 2011
Runner up: Gears of War 3
Winner: Mass Effect 3

Best Xbox Live Arcade Title
Runner up: Shank
Winner: Monday Night Combat

Best Voice Performance
Runner up: Jennifer Hale (Mass Effect 2)
Winner: Seth Green (Mass Effect 2)

Best Character
Runner up: Alan Wake
Winner: John Marston

GAME OF THE YEAR
Runner up: Red Dead Redemption

And the winner is....





MASS EFFECT 2

There you have it!  The 2010 Irrelevant Gaming Awards!

We end tonight with a word from the Relevant Wife:  "Nobody likes a sticky seat."


Coming up next time: 2011 Gaming Preview!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Episode 9 or Why Mass Effect 3 will be Awesome



First and foremost...THANK YOU READERS!  This blog has simply blown up this past week.  I'm not sure what is going on, but keep it up!  I was figuring on being happy with 500 hits by the end of the year, but damn!  Over one thousand!  Better than I could have hoped.  Now if only I got paid for this...


And now, a letter:
Dear BioWare,

  I love you!  So very much!  If you were a person, I'd make sweet love to you all night long!  You have given us a gift.  One that we as gamers were not truly expecting!  Mass Effect 3 was a great surprise!  I personally wasn't expecting it until at least fall of 2012!  But you have deemed us worthy of the final chapter of this uber-trilogy.  Again, I love you.  So very much.

  Love(seriously...ask the wife)
   The Irrelevant Gamer


Now that we have that out of the way, we can get down to business!  The year of gaming is pretty much at an end.  And everyone and their mom is giving out awards, so will we!

ANNOUNCEMENT!  Next posting will be the 1st Annual Irrelevant Gaming Awards!  Finally, an award show that doesn't matter...wait...

Allrighty then!  Let's get on to the review!


CALL OF DUTY BLACK OPS
  Black Ops is the latest in the long line of war games.  Instead of modern times, or World War 2, like all previous titles, takes place in the 1960's(with one mission taking place in 1945.).  It starts off in Cuba during the Bay of Pigs invasion.  The campaign is actually a pretty good story, taking about 8 hours.  Moving from Cuba to Russia, Vietnam, and beyond.  Intense combat and lots of dying await those who try this baby on Veteran mode, which is more intense than Modern Warfare 2.  But here's the thing: Nobody buys Call of Duty games for the story!  No...it's all about the multi-player.  Yeah, it's good.  But what do you expect from a multiplayer staple?  A few new additions is the wagering system, which is worth checking out.  And because it's a Treyarch game, there be zombies!  Yes, Nazi zombies are back!  There are even a few secret game types which I will not speak of here...they are secret for a reason!

PROS: Realistic combat, fast and furious action.  Really good controls.
CONS: Predictable, but all Call of Duty games are.  Watch out for Douche-bags online.
GRADE: 8.0


So Mass Effect 3 is coming holiday 2011.  That's one year from now.  That may seem like a lot of time to you and me, but in game design terms, that's a really short time.  Alan Wake took 5 years!  So, it's pretty obvious that BioWare has been hard at work on this title for sometime.  In the past 5 years, BioWare has put out 4 major titles: Jade Empire, Mass Effect, Dragon Age: Origins, and Mass Effect 2. (Not to mention the oft-overlooked Sonic: Dark Brotherhood on the DS.)  They also dropped the massive Dragon Age expansion: Awakenings this year.  Next year looks to be about the biggest year ever!  Starting with Dragon Age 2, Star Wars: The Old Republic mmorpg, and ending with the crown jewel: Mass Effect 3.

Mass Effect has been called the modern space opera.  It's certainly been better than Star Wars Episodes I-III.  The culmination of this massive story arc can only lead to Commander Shepard leading not just a crack team of space commandos, but an whole army based entirely of consequences of your decisions in the three games.  Did you kill the Rachni queen?  Is Werx even alive?  What about the Collector base?  All of these will be weighed in.  Over 1,000 variables will be imported from Mass Effect 1 & 2.  No other game has taken your decisions and ran like the Mass Effect games.  The best thing about these games:  It's your game.  Everyone else's is different!  Your choices, your team, your Shepard...it's all on you.  So what's next Commander?  The choice is yours.

Questions?  Comments?  Can't keep your flippin' opinion to yourself?  E-MAIL ME!
TheIrrelevantGamer@gmail.com


Next time: The 1st Annual Irrelevant Gaming Awards!  Wooo!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Mass Effect 3 trailer

video

Well folks...I can admit when I'm wrong.  It wasn't a Mass Effect spin-off...IT IS F@#$ING MASS EFFECT! Hold on kids...this looks EPIC!

Monday, December 6, 2010

New Bioware Clue!

If I didn't love Bioware so much, I'd hate them right about now.  They just released a new clue!  You'd think I'd be excited!  But Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  Bioware had the audacity to give us, as the new clue...A RED HERRING!  


For those of you who don't know the significance of a "red herring", Wikipedia.org defines it as thus:

Red herring is an idiomatic expression referring to a rhetorical tactic of diverting attention away from an item of significance.[1] For example, in mystery fiction, an innocent party may be purposefully cast as highly suspicious through emphasis or descriptive techniques; attention is drawn away from the true guilty party.


Not funny Bioware...not funny.  On the bright side: We will know what this secret project is and more on Saturday!  Stay tuned!!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Episode 8 or Shepard Vs. Shepard - This is War

I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite photo on the Citadel.


There have been some great games that let you customize you hero, from choosing their sex, class even their origin story!  There has never been a game that has cause such a split over character creation like Mass Effect.  What seems like an every-game decision of male-or-female has turned into a long standing battle of "My Shepard could shoot your Shepard from 500 yards!" and "My Shepard can crush you with biotics while shooting you with a hand cannon...plus she has boobs!"

She may have curves, but that doesn't mean she won't kick your ass (or shoot you in the face with a shotgun)!

So here we stand with the Irrelevant Gamer and his Relevant Wife on either side ready to debate. Who will you choose?

Irrelevant Gamer: First and foremost, ManShep is the standard for all Shepards.  Posters, trailers even the gamebox has ManShep all over it.  When you think of Mass Effect you think of 'John' Shepard.  He's a man's man.  Tall, strong, irresistible to the ladies (Ashley, Miranda, Tali, Jack, Morinth, Kelly...and the list goes on...) There is only one clear choice in Shepards.  You want the true Mass effect expirience, you go to the source: ManShep!

Relevant Wife: FemShep is the ultimate warrior. She exudes strength, confidence, danger, and sexiness; an extremely deadly combination. She is all this whether she is killing Collectors, reassuring a nervous Turian or Drell, or threatening to rip someone's balls off and feed them to a Krogan. For those of you who haven't played FemShep (shame on you!!) I've selected an introductory fan trailer that's is pretty darn close to my FemShep (mine's better of course).

So welcome to the battle and may the best Shep win!



IG:  A video, huh?  I don't need no stinking video!  Playing as ManShep comes very naturally.  A good guy with a mean streak!  Able to help entire species and still punch nosy reporters!  The Mass Effect film will feature a ManShep. (Matthew Fox?)  FemShep may make a better Renegade(SupaBitch) but ManShep makes the ultimate hero!


RW: The awesomeness that is FemShep can mostly be attributed to the superb voice acting oJennifer Hale. Without her voice FemShep would not be who she is. Ms. Hale puts a deep timbre into Commander Shepard that has a confident husky quality. You be come completely willing to believe that FemShep is the Savior of the Citadel, Destroyer of Saren, and the perfect love interest for an unassuming alien. This is not to say that ManShep (Mark Meer) isn't good. He does a fantastic job as well. However FemShep just has that certain something extra.


IG:  We could go on and on about the superior voice acting of both ManShep and FemShep, and trust me...it's freakin' fantastic voice work!  But the key to Shepard is the face!  Mark Vanderloo:



While you can endlessly customize your Shepard to look how you want, the true face of Shepard is and will always be his.  


RW: I should note that I've played ME1 twice (both Kaiden) and ME2 four times (2 Thane and 2 Garrus). I'm very much of the opinion that Kaiden is a whiny bitch and that the only acceptable mate for FemShep is a bad-ass alien assassin/sniper. Now ManShep does have a very good companion in Miranda (who I will fully admit is smoking hot) however it just goes to show how awesome FemShep is that she needs 2 bad-ass potential lovers. Oh and FemShep is so awesome she needs a special name. I am getting Siha tattooed on the back of shoulder in the near future :-)
Choices, choices!




IG:  And now we get to the best part: Hot Steamy Alien Sex!  Woooo!  Mass Effect is famous for its romance and sexual content (Remember Fox News ill-conceived SeXBox scandal?)  ManShep has the best choices when it comes to the ladies!  In the first one you can choose between Ashley and Li'ara.  Hotties!  Unfortunetly after romancing Ashley it turns out she is a worthless bitch...my only regret in playing the first one.  Mass Effect 2 however, gives you Miranda Lawson, played by the equally hot Yvonne Strahovski!  
Yeah buddy.  But that's not all!  You can also romance the always topless Jack (How does she get those straps to stay??), the always enviro-suited Tali, and the effervescent Kelly Chambers...but to be fair FemShep can have Kelly too, because Kelly loves EVERYBODY!  To some up: Miranda's boobs.  'Nuff said. 


RW: FemShep has her own very nice boobs thank you very much! And now to seal my argument, my favorite FemShep moments in no particular order (yes ManShep can do some of this stuff as well, but it's just so much better when FemShep does them)
  • FemShep head butts a Krogan.
  • FemShep gets drunk on the Citadel and regains consciousness in the men's bathroom while an annoyed looking Turian is relieving himself.
  • FemShep is told by the Blue Sun recruiter that the strippers apply next door. She proceeds to take out her gun and tells the recruiter to show her his and she bets hers is bigger!
  • FemShep beats up the Shadow Broker.
  • FemShep gets a mating request on Turchanka.
  • FemShep wearing her dress from Katsumi's mission for the rest of the game. It makes kissing Thane and caressing Garrus that much better!

Well their you have it folks!  Now it's up to you to decide!  Over off to the side is a poll where you can tell us who you prefer to play with!  And that's the beauty of the game.  No matter if you are Man or FemShem, expect the experience of a lifetime with these two(and in the future more) games.  Play On!


RW: FEMSHEP RULES!


IG: Always gotta have the last words, don't you?


RW: Yep.


Next Time: Review of Call of Duty Black Ops

Monday, November 29, 2010

Episode 7 or My Ultimate Game Playlist

Still Alive
Well fellow gamers, the festival of turkey has passed and the triptifane haze has lifted.  Time to get back to what we know and love!  GAMING!  This episode is all about music.  Specifically, the best non-instrumental music in video games!  These could be songs over the credits, used in commercials, etc.  Trust me, this list is rockin', funny, sad and everything in between!

NEWS:  It's almost December, and I stand waist deep in awesome games!  Seriously!  I need about 24 more hours per day to get my daily recommended allowance of Awesomeness.  Luckily, I am the largest source of Awesomeness outside of Barney Stinson, I get by.

GIVEAWAY!!!  That's right folks!  A real giveaway!  It doesn't happen very often, so lets get crackin'!  Here are the prizes:
Check out these Awesome wallets!
How do I win one of these awesome wallets?  It's easy!  All you have to do is e-mail me here: TheIrrelevantGamer@gmail.com and tell me why you deserve an awesome Gears or Halo wallet!  You have until Dec. 15th, so get to it!!!

Let's get to some tunage!  Here is The Irrelevant Gamer's Kick-Ass Gamer Music!  Woooooo!

1. Ladies and Gentlemen - Saliva (Playstation 3 launch ads)
2. Won't Back Down - Eminem feat. P!nk (Call of Duty Black Ops)
3. This is War - 30 Seconds to Mars (Dragon Age: Origins)
4. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant (Borderlands)
5. Oh No You Didn't - N/A (Mercenaries 2: World in Flames)
6. Still Alive - Johnathon Coulton feat. GlaDOS (Protal)
7. Young Men Dead - The Black Angels (Fable 3 & Alan Wake)
8. The Poet and the Muse - Poets of the Fall (Alan Wake)
9. Mad World - Gary Jules (Gears of War)
10. Dead Man's Gun - Ashtar Command (Red Dead Redemption)
11. Heron Blue - Sun Kil Moon (Gears of War 3)

Bonus Tracks:
12. Johnny Guitar - Peggy Lee (Fallout New Vegas)
13. Children of the Elder God - The Old Gods of Asgard (Alan Wake)

Got any tracks I missed?  Email 'em!  TheIrrelevantGamer@gmail.com!

SPECULATION TIME!!

Last Week, Bioware dropped a confusion bomb on us gamers and announced a new project...but no details! Noooooo....we have to wait for the Video Game Awards on Dec. 11th. (Announcement posted on this blog, just scroll down!) Sigh.  Well, Bioware heard our frustration, and started releasing clues disguised as QR codes.  Scan the codes and binary code appears.  Translate the binary and get your clue!  I, in my infinite awesomeness and generosity here give you the translated clues:
1. -128.5°F
2. 55.845
3. http://www.sis.gov.uk/output/sis-home-welcome.html
4. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oKEAgVG2Vik/SZLgNLdLcYI/AAAAAAAAAks/ocWoCxxe4wQ/s1600-h/%5BAllCDCovers%5D_the_clash_the_singles_2006_retail_cd-front.jpg

What the hell does this mean?  Who knows!  Here's what I think it means:

1 = Coldest temp. on earth (Vostok, Antarctica)
2 = Mass of Iron
3 = MI6 homepage
4 = The Clash The Singles album cover

All this together, with the snippit of video, all seems to point to a Mass Effect Prequel!  Specifically First Contact War!  Lost?  No idea what I'm talking about?  You don't belong here!  Go read a blog about how the government is using gummy bears to control the elderly people of Peru to take over the world!

How did I get to this conclusion?  It's pretty easy actually.  Vostok is a system in Mass Effect.  Irons Periodic Table lable is: Fe.  Translation: Mass Fe!  I was confused about the British SIS page until this last clue dropped: The Clash.  The SIS page is the welcome page.  Puth the two together, and you get Welcome Clash!  FIRST CONTACT WAR!!!!  Yeah!  You heard it here first!  More clues and speculation to be posted as they happen.

Next Time: ManShep Vs. FemShep - The Mass Effect Civil War(With commentary by the Relevant Wife)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Episode 6 or How My Wife Kicks My Butt in Both Wii and Kinect Boxing

Daisy, Daisy Give Me Your Answer Do...


Yes, I have finally gotten my hands on the new Kinect for Xbox 360!  Over one million have been sold in only 10 days!  It's pretty safe to say that this is THE Christmas gift this year.  After a few hours with it, I can see the potential that Kinect(formerly Project Natal) has in the gaming world.  It's a wonderful product and a lot of fun, but can and will be so much more!  The opening salvo that was the Kinect launch titles were loaded with a whole lotta 'Eh.'  One bright spot is KINECT SPORTS, but we'll review that at a later date.  One thing I can't seem to get over, is the fact that now my 360 is staring at me.  It has a creepy HAL thing going on.  Luckily, I had the foresight to avoid connecting it to the life support system.

The device itself is pretty easy to set up and get working, providing you have enough space.  It's pretty cool...when I start up my Xbox, it scans me, then signs me in automatically.  Note: as I have the only profile on my Xbox it signed me in automatically before, but that's besides the point.

Here's some news about this here blog!  As the awesome author is doing a bit of moving around in the next few weeks, and by bit I mean 'Holy s#!t!  I'm moving to Europe!'  You might think this means the end of the Irrelevant Gamer...Oh nay nay!  With Dragon Age 2 and Gears of War 3 dropping next year, and GamesCom 2011(The E3 of Europe!  And it's public!!)happening in Cologne, Germany(Not 4 hours from where I will be), I will have a lot to cover.  These full Episodes will be further and further apart, but I will keep posting as diligently as I can!


With Call Of Duty(Hehe...doody) Black Ops dropping last Tuesday, I'm here today to give you my CoD Online Etiquite!

* If you have yet to hit puberty: SHUT UP!  Don't speak...ever.  Nobody likes squeakers.
* If you have to swear, be creative!  When talking about excrement, change animals!  Horse is better than bull.
* When playing on a team, and you happen to be leading the team in kills, don't start yelling at your team telling them you are doing all the work...they will kill you.
* Defending a target is NOT CAMPING!
* If someone get a great kill on you, congratulate them by killing them back...not sending hate messages.



So I'm sure you are all wondering about the title of this Episode.  How does she do it?  Why would you admit this?  Well first of all, I have no problem getting beat in a video game by another gamer.  Second, she CHEATS!!!  Yeah, that's right!  I'm calling out the Irrelevant Gamer's Relevant Wife!  How does she do it?  How does she cheat at Wii and Kinect Boxing?  Well, any NORMAL person would block, weave, duck and jab playing boxing.  But not my wife!  Nooooo.  She speed-bags it.  All she does is raise her hands and swing as fast as she can!  She doesn't box...she flails.  And she wins.  Everytime.  You'd think I'd learn...nope.  Sigh.

And so another Episode comes to a close.  What's that?  I didn't review a game?  Gasp!  Don't worry...a review of Assassins Creed Brotherhood is coming later this week!

NEXT TIME: Worst Games I Payed Money For!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Episode 5 or Why Peter Molyneux Hates Chickens

Kicking chickens isn't funny.  It's f*cking hilarious!

NEWS: Here we are...knee deep in the 2010 gaming season, and the big names keep dropping.  Some more surprising than others: Medal of Mediocrity, Star Wars: The Clone Unleashed and seriously out of left field: Better-Than-The-N64 GoldenEye!  Thats right!  The Wii now has a premium FPS!  Activision finally takes a beloved title and gives it the care it so rightly deserves!  Based around the film, instead of the game, GoldenEye removes Pierce Brosnan for Daniel Craig, and revamped everything to tailor it to Craig's brusing, anti-gadget Bond.  Full on review to come(hopefully) in the next few weeks!

IGN.com has declared Mass Effect 2 to be the greatest Xbox 360 game of all time.  This is no suprise to me, the guy who's wardrobe is made by BioWare...I love them so much!  I think that for Dragon Age 2, I'm just going to give them my bank account number...

Congrats to the American League Champion Texas Rangers!  If a team going through bankruptcy can make it to the World Series, there is hope for the Brewers yet!

  
Anyone who has played the Fable titles knows about the chickens.  Flightless poultry whose job is only to make us laugh as they are punted across the screen.  And so, The Irrelevant Gamer proudly presents:

THEORIES as to WHY PETER MOLYNEUX HATES CHICKENS!

* No Chick-Fil-A in England
*A chicken touched him once in a very bad place 
*The chickens represent America(He was quoted calling Americans chickens because most of us play as good characters)
*The chickens, like, represent the little guy.  And the boot, is like, the MAN, man!  Down with the Establishment!
*Chickens are just plain evil!
*A chicken once stole his high school sweetheart
*Chickens are tasty...Peter Molyneux is not
*Peter Molyneux is in fact several chickens dressed as a man because they were spurned by the poultry community

I could go on...but let's get to that review!!

REVIEW:  FABLE III


"What kind of rubbish game lets you kill the villain in one blow?" - The Gamer Geeks in FABLE3 

  Its good to be the king!  Words to describe this gem of a game from LionHead and Microsoft Studios.  The Road to Rule is a long and winding one at that!  With a main quest line that takes about 20-25 hours, more if you want to do everything, it's a great action/adventure game worthy of the name FABLE.

The game begins pretty quickly, as you and your awesome mentor Sir Walter, flee the castle after your brother, King Logan does some pretty despicable stuff.  Suddenly you find yourself as the last of the Heros, beings who can control the forces of strength, skill, and will(magic).  You are now destined to bring Logan down and rule all of Albion.  Aye, but here's the rub: Will you be a benevolent ruler who cares of the poor and downtrodden, or will you become a tyrant and oppress the populace?  

Playing through as a good guy, I noticed this game has some pretty good moral choices.  Some more black and white than others.  I can't wait to jump in as a total douche bag!  Kidnapping people and selling them as slave labor, closing an orphanage to open a brothel are just a few of the shady choices one can make.

And then there is co-op!  A broken idea in FABLE 2, this time around, instead of a Hero and his/her henchman/woman, there is now two Heros!  Each with their own dog, weapons and tactics!  Become buisness partners and pool all your land and gold together.  Or go all the way and get married and start a family online!  Don't worry about the kids, you can hire a nanny while you are out debauching the place up!  The co-op can be a little buggy, but word is that LionHead has a team readying a patch as you read this.  None of the bugs or glitches have really affected my game play, mostly visual glitches of pie dough floating a foot off the table and off to the right, that sort of thing.  Even with the bugs and glitches, the co-op is vastly superior to FABLE2s.  

PROS: Great story about revolution and sweet new creepy villain!  Co-op is a must try!  New flourish kills bring cinimatic style to the title.

Cons: some minor bugs and glitches, but nothing that can't be patched at a later date.  Friend quests are a bit blah.

GRADE: FABLE III: 8.5 and my Seal of Awesomness!



Well kids, that's all for this episode!  Remember to comment on games you would like to see reviewed that are not World of Warcraft and/or Final Fantasy games...I hate them so much!

NEXT TIME:  Proper chat etiquette while playing Call of Duty.  Hint: Use lots of swears!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Episode 4 or Why Ron Pearlman saying 4 little words make me squee.

War...war never changes.

And neither does the awesomeness that is the Fallout universe!  The newest installment of this great franchise has dropped on Tuesday to much anticipation.  In fact, it's regarded as the #1 most anticipated game of 2010!  For me it's a close second, right behind FABLE III.  More on FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS in our review!

NEWS:  Not a whole lot of gamer news this week.  But a whole lotta gearing up for Tuesday!  Oct. 26th is one of the biggest release dates I've ever seen!  With games like FABLE III, STAR WARS: TFU2, ROCK BAND 3, and THE SIMS 3 all dropping together, that clunk you heard is my wife's jaw hitting the floor!  I have my FABLE III controller and the new book, complete with weapon code, all ready to go...still have to make my villager though...

I do have some blog news though!  I am looking for some people to help write reviews, previews, rants, raves and complete lunacy!  If you want to help, write me up something and submit it to my Facebook page(use the new badge!)  Become an Irrelevant Gamer!  Impress your friends!  Alienate your significant other!  Be Capt. Awesome approved!

Alright, lets get to what you came here for!

REVIEW:  FALLOUT NEW VEGAS

  22 hours in and no end in sight.  Seriously.  I doubt I'm even a quarter of the way done.  Thus this will not be a proper review, so in light of that we will divide this up into episodic reviews called: New Vegas Update.  These will be spoiler free and all, but it will give my up-to-date insight on this ginormus game.  I have played it enough to grade the controls, overall story and find pros and cons.  Without further ado:


NEW VEGAS UPDATE part 1: Time: 22:42:28
  After starting FALLOUT 3 in a Vault, and taking about an hour to get to the wide world of the Capital Wasteland, FNV begins(no spoiler here) with you getting shot in the head(picture above) and waking up in a doctors office.  After about 10 minutes of setting up your character just the way you want, you are free to explore the Mojave Wasteland.  You can't access the Vegas strip right away(you need 2000 caps), but as soon as you have the cash, you are welcomed with open robotic arms.  Developed by Bethesda Softworks(FALLOUT 3, OBLIVION) and Obsidian(SW:KOTOR2: THE SITH LORDS and the stinker ALPHA PROTOCOL).  The story, while only so-so at this point really takes a back seat to the massive scale of this game.

PROS: VATS is back baby!  New factions, weapons and a whole lotta quests give this game a 100+ hour time frame!  If you are at all familiar with the controls for FALLOUT 3, you got this one down pat!

CONS: An OK story, coupled with an over complicated make-your-own-loot system, you never have enough room when you go questing.  Feels too much like FALLOUT 3 as well.

GRADE: 8


THE CAPT. AWESOME AWESOMNESS APPROVED GAME OF THE WEEK
This is the segment where we hand out the Seal of Awesomness to one fantastic game!  This week:

MONDAY NIGHT COMBAT!


What's MONDAY NIGHT COMBAT?  One part TOWER DEFENSE, one part TEAM FORTRESS, and sprinkled liberally with SMASH TV!  A 3rd person, class based, game show shooter in the simplest of terms.  One of the best XBOX LIVE ARCADE titles I've ever come across!  It's fast paced, hectic and near perfect.  My only complaint is that there are only 2 teams and 4 arenas.  Oh well...DLC maybe?

MONDAY NIGHT COMBAT: AWESOMNESS APPROVED!



And now...
A special message from the Irrelevant Gamer's Relevant Wife:
(On Fallout: New Vegas) - "Wandering is good for the XP."

NEXT TIME: Theories as to why Peter Molyneux(FABLE creator) hates chickens.

XBOX GAMERTAG: CaptAwesome12

'Gears of War 3 : Ashes to Ashes' Trailer

Thursday, October 14, 2010

NEW SUPER SEAL!

Bam.

Episode 3 or Massive Flying Vampiric Cheese Vs. The Pink Polka Dotted Cthulu.

INTRO:  Pretty awesome title, huh?  Grabbed your attention and curiosity.  The funny thing is that the title is one of BILLIONS of possibilities in the new game SUPER SCRIBBLENAUTS for the Nintendo DS.  We'll talk more about that in my review.

  On to whats going on in real life!  October baseball, that's what!!  Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I'm all about the baseball.  As a Brewers fan, there has been only 2 post seasons in Milwaukee since I've been alive.   So when my wife and I moved to Texas, the DFW metroplex specifically,  we got to see the Texas Rangers play great baseball and make it to the American League Division Series.  Now, I have never been able to go to a baseball playoff game(saw plenty of football playoff games in Green Bay, including the 1996 NFC Championship game vs. Carolina!), so when the opportunity to catch Red October in the making, I pounced and grabbed tickets to Game 4 of the ALDS.  Unfortunetly, the Rangers lost that game, but bounced back in Game 5 to clinch the series.  So when the chance came to see the Rangers Vs. Yankees in the Championship series, again I jumped at the chance!  I also looked up how much World Series tickets would cost.  And with that in mind, I would like to introduce the opportunity to do some good!

SEND CAPTAIN AWESOME TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!!*


That's right!  You have a chance to help me realize my goal of going to a World Series game!  All we need to make this a reality is about $2000!  If everyone who reads this blog sends me $200 we can make this a reality!  Why donate to charity and never see the results of your donation!  If you help my cause, I'll send you pictures of my happiness at the game!  Warms your heart doesn't it?


NEWS:  Back to the awesomeness that is video games!  With some massive titles on the horizon(Fable 3, Fallout New Vegas, Call of Duty: Black Ops), we are getting into Christmas shopping season!  The item to watch out for is not a game, but Kinect for the Xbox 360.  With the Playstation Move already out and pulling good, not great numbers, the revolution of motion gaming is Microsoft's to grab...and lose.  While the device itself looks great.(I got it pre-ordered) The launch titles, however look a bit lackluster.  With some major titles expected to be named as early as next year, I have hope...lots and lots of hope...


REVIEW:  SUPER SCRIBBLENAUTS (DS)
  And the winner by knockout is: The Pink polka dotted Cthulu!  The cheese didn't stand a chance.  Seriously though, you can actually make those things!  I did!  Super Scribblenauts is on of the best puzzle games out, and yet, I just use it to let my imagination run wild!  Think of the wildest, non-copyrighted, non-obscene things you can think of!  With over 100,000 words and 50,000 adjectives, you can make some pretty fantastic stuff!  A must-have for any DS owner!

PROS: Everything broken in the first Scribblenauts game has been fixed!  Plus, it's awesome!

In fact, this game is so awesome, it's going to be the first game to get my new official seal!
There was going to be a picture of a seal, but Vault Boy is more awesome.

GRADE: SUPER SCRIBBLENAUTS: 9.0

While we are talking about the Seal of Awesomness, let's go to my library and seal us some games!!

ALAN WAKE - SEAL!
BORDERLANDS - SEAL!
DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS- SEAL!
FABLE 2 - SEAL!
FALLOUT 3 - SEAL!
GEARS OF WAR 2 - SEAL!
MASS EFFECT - SEAL!
MASS EFFECT 2 - SUPER SEAL!
RED DEAD REDEMPTION - SEAL!

Not sure what to use as the Super Seal...I shall ponder this and get back with an epic design.

Nominate your favorite games to see if they get the SEAL!

NEXT TIME: Inception...promise!

Fable III TV Trailer Debut

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Episode 2 or Why I changed the title

The Cake is a Lie...but the Cube is Forever!



INTRO:  Now, I might write a review of a game here that you may not agree with.  Hence, my new title of Irrelevant Gamer.  Pretty much anything I say here can be complete bullhockey(my fave non-swear).  For instance and by perfect example I will reveal a deep dark gamer secret about me:  I HATE FINAL FANTASY!!!!  In fact, it's because of these excruciating games, that I cannot stand the entire genre of Japanese RPGs.  POKEMON included.  In fact, that's going to be the last time that title will be mentioned!


NEWS:  Moving on to more happy things.  I am consistently bombarded with ads and interviews about the upcoming titles FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS and FABLE 3.  This has me going giddy every time I hear Nat King Cole's 'Orange Colored Sky' while witnessing the awesomeness of the post-apocalyptic Mojave wasteland!  Of course, the interviews pertaining to FABLE 3's new co-op system has me in a tizzy.  How many characters should/can I have going at one time?  Who of my 360 friends wants to join forces and take back the kingdom for the chickens?  And did my buddy Brady really ask me if my character could get his pregnant?   The answers look promising!  Both titles will be heading my way in October as Collectors Editions!

Now for a little bit o' the bad news.  I don't own a PS3.  But if/when I do, I will be all over the game LITTLE BIG PLANET.  A throwback to the old platformer/puzzle games of the 80's, this title has impressed even me with it's 2 million plus user created levels!  Plus,, Sackboy is just awesome.  Bad news is that LITTLE BIG PLANET 2 has been delayed until next year, which gives me time to convince the wife to let me buy a PS3 for the sole purpose of LBP and good baseball games, which don't exists on any other system. 


WHAT'S IN MY LIBRARY:  This time, I will tell you the awesomeness that is ALAN WAKE.  I'm not much for horror games, which is why I didn't follow this game at the very beginning.  And by very beginning, I mean the 5 years that the gaming community was waiting for this game when it was announced at E3 in '05.  The story is a beautiful tribute to Stephen King, David Lynch and the old Twilight Zone show.  The baddies?  Physical manifestations of Darkness!  How do you fight darkness?  With a flashlight and a shotgun!  When Wake's wife goes missing while on vacation in the Washington state hamlet of Bright Falls, Alan finds himself in the middle of a nightmare where a novel he doesn't remember writing begins to come true!

PROS: Wonderful storytelling and all encompassing soundtrack, this 'first season' is a great addition to any gamers library!

CONS: Controls can be a bit clunky at times, as well as a bit repetitive.  Nowhere near Assassins Creed repetitive though.

GRADE: ALAN WAKE: 8.5

SPECIAL BIASED REPORT:  EPIC - Why BIOWARE is the Best!

Scale.  Something Bioware takes seriously.  From games that encompass entire nations to entire galaxys, Bioware is only concerned with making the player feel outnumbered and small.  Then they give you something else...the perfect companions.  After all, what's a Bioware game without friends, lovers, drunken dwarves, and interplanetary assassins!  Bioware is the studio from which STAR WARS was re-imagined into KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC.  The studio which gave birth to the dark fantasy epic DRAGON AGE.  And the studio that brought us two of the greatest Xbox 360 games ever: MASS EFFECT and MASS EFFECT 2.

There is a few things that these games have in common.  Choice being chief among them.  Are you Light Side, or Dark Side?  Paragon or Renegade?  Will you save the world, or let it burn?  All these choices have consequences that could cause a friend to leave, die or fall in love with you!  You feel immersed in their world, their plight.  You hurt when they do, you cry when they die(unless it's Carth from KOTOR).  Few game studios realize the emotional connection that players can have with these characters.  Would you sacrifice your one true love for the fate of the world?  Will you embrace your destiny?  Or will you make your own?

NEW SEGMENT!

MUST-HAVE ROCKBAND TRACK - The Fratellis - Flathead

OUT NOW:
 - Plants Vs. Zombies
 - Dead Rising 2
 - Borderlands DLC: Claptrap's New Robot Revolution!

NEXT TIME: Why INCEPTION would make a great/suck as a video game.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Episode 1 or Why I made a Gamer Blog.


INTRO: So, this is like my 3rd attempt at a consistent blog.  The 3rd time's the charm, they say.  Well...they say lots of stuff.  The first two didn't seem to have a structure, or real purpose.  This one however, will have a central theme: Gaming.  Why gaming?  Because over the past few years, my life has been consumed with video games, as has my career.  I work in the retail end of the gaming business.  I will not divulge the name of my employer, mainly for fear that they can shut this blog down for whatever reason they want.  They can do that, you know.  Now, I don't have all the major next-gen systems, but I will try to cover them all best as I can.  Now, I'll talk about other stuff too, like what's going on in my life, beer, etc.  I hope that you will find this amusing and a little educational, and that you will keep coming back.



GAMER NEWS:  With fall officially here, and the awesomeness that is the Q3-4 2010 season in full swing, let's recap the big news.  HALO REACH sold $200 million on day one.  'Nuff said.  I am not a HALO fan.  I am however, playing through the campaign, and so far, I'm not bored!  Working in the gaming retail buisness has yielded some perks: I got to check out the game without shelling $60 for it!  I have to bring it back in a few days, but a fair deal for someone who is not ever gonna touch the multiplayer modes.

GRADE: HALO REACH: 7.5 out of 10. (this is just my opinion!!!!)



WHAT'S IN MY LIBRARY:  For the first installment of this, let's pick the very first game that made me really appreciate Next-Gen technology: MASS EFFECT.  This ginormus rpg-shooter is just packed with epicness!  From the fact that you have an entire galaxy to explore, to the amazing story and characters you meet along the way, this game will have you pack 50+ hours into it and never want it to end.  Then again, what do you expect from the makers of the greatest STAR WARS game: KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC.

PROS:  Breathtaking graphics and superb storytelling makes this game a must-have.  Plus Seth Green is in it!

CONS: The Mako tank is a bit tough to manuver...and those elevator rides...<Shudder>

GRADE:  MASS EFFECT: 9.0


COMING SOON:  While at work today, I glanced at my pre-order list.  I found something awesome for my ADD and something bad for my bank account: From Sept. 28th - Oct. 26th, every Tuesday, I have a new release coming!  And what are those?

Sept. 28th: Plants Vs. Zombies (360)
Oct. 5th: Fable 3 controller (360)
Oct. 12th: Super Scribblenauts (DS)
Oct. 19th: Fallout New Vegas Collectors Ed. (360)
Oct. 26th: Fable 3 Collectors Ed. (360), The Sims 3 (360)

ON THE LOOKOUT FOR 2010:
Dead Rising 2 (360/PS3)
Need For Speed Hot Pursuit (360/PS3)
Goldeneye (Wii)


NEXT TIME:  Epic: Why Bioware is the best in the Biz.

If you have a game you want featured or ideas for columns or segments, please comment or e-mail me!